Posts Tagged 'England'



Royal Ascot: Dress & Wardrobe

2010 Royal Ascot is just under a month away. Last year, our post on Ascot proved very popular, gaining the most reads out of all of our entries. This is probably because Ascot is a melting pot and people from all different walks of life can be found here.

Next week we will talk about how to picnic in style at Royal Ascot. This week, we recap on what should and should not be worn when at the races.

Alexandra Messervy, Founder, The English Manner: “Morning suits and top hats are de-rigeur, as of course are the most fabulous hats.  Trousers for ladies are now permitted, but skirts must not be far above the knee, and if you are hoping to enter the Royal Enclosure you will need to apply for a sponsored badge many months in advance, with a reference from a member of the Royal Enclosure.  Top hats should always be black silk, and morning suits can be grey or black – my own preference is grey.  Ladies’ Day is the traditional one to ‘be seen’, when even the more conservative hat-wearer can really push the boat out.  A word of caution though:  if you are not used to wearing a hat, practice putting it on and off and wearing it around the house several times before the big day, and learn to relax – otherwise you will have severe neck strain and a bad headache before you go near the champagne!

William Hanson, Tutor, The English Manner: “In 2008 Royal Ascot was in the news as ladies were turning with too much fake-tan applied and in some extreme cases, they deemed it appropriate to go without knickers. This is never acceptable. Anywhere. For women, it is advisable that cocktail dresses are avoided. Having too much flesh open to the elements at a predominantly outdoor event will only cause goose pimples.  Dress colours that work well are pastels, bright colours, neutrals such as cream and fawn, although fashion changes and each year will see a different colour or shade in vogue. As for materials, linen creases easily and for an event where you may be sitting to picnic (smart race-goers do this in Number One car park), this is not a good idea. Lightweight wool and silk are preferable. Dresses and jackets that can be removed easily if you get too hot are canny choices. Skirts that ride up when you sit down are not, however. The Queen often wears one main colour all the way up (including the hat) which accentuates height and can make shorter people look taller. Umbrellas may be a nuisance but are worth it if it begins to rain. They can be left in the cloakroom if needs be: parasols are naff.”

For further advice on Royal Ascot, please see last year’s (very popular) entry, or feel free to contact us.

UK Leaders’ Debate No. 2: It’s not what you say it’s the way that you say it!

Communication is made up of three parts: the words we use, the tonality of our voices, and our body language. We use all of these traits everyday to let the people around us know how we feel and think.  55% of our communication is through body language; approximately 38% is based on tonality of the voice and 7% on our actual words.

So with this in mind, ding ding, round 2 of the election debate, and they’re off…

David Cameron leans into the podium to show us he is ready for action his tone is slightly aggressive and his brow is knitted. He starts by using the audience members’ name, great for rapport building, whilst maintaining eye contact. The wording David chooses is reflective initially and then he uses BUT; this changes the direction of his answer, allowing him to change the subject. As the debate progresses the hand gestures, a softened fist with the thumb running along the side of the index finger conveys a middle of the road speaker. By the end of the debate David has been adopting the precision grip, hand turned upward pinching fingers together. This implies that he will attend to the smallest details and can be trusted to get it100% right.

Nick Clegg begins in an up right posture, chin in a neutral position, ready to take on the question. He begins with an anecdote about chocolate, adds a pinch of humour and then backs it up in the language of the audience with facts. The words, his tone and body language are all congruent. The hand gesture of palms facing, shoulder width apart, fingers splayed and pointed towards the audience. This is an attempt to connect with them and close the gap.

Gordon Brown starts well with a smug smile, very small hand gestures, strong-planted feet, which give him balance and make him, appear comfortable. The tone and use of language made the audience sit up. The humour card is played with Gordon comparing David and Nick to his two squabbling children. This is quickly followed up with an embracing gesture, arms out in front, drawing the audience toward him. Gordon is using this to say I will keep you safe, very fatherly, whilst influencing you to his way of thinking. The final gesture that seems to appear most frequently from Gordon is the palm down, generally associated with authority and directive behavior. A type of ‘I am in charge and that’s final’!

I hope that when you watch round 3 you will start to notice these gestures and by doing so, get a clearer picture of what is actually being said.

The fantastic thing about all the speakers is that they have been coached brilliantly! I think they will all need to pull something very interesting out of the bag for the next debate.

The poet and philosopher Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “What you are doing speaks so loudly I can’t hear what you say.” Too true!

Louisa Miles
Echo Motivational & Life Coaching
www.echomotivates.com

Let’s Get The Parties Started… Etiquette in the 1st UK Political Leaders’ Debate

Last night was the first ever publicly televised General Election Debate.  The pre-debate excitement was almost unbearable, as the Nation waited with baited breath to listen to what the three main parties had to say and, most importantly, to see who would triumph as Victor of Round One.

Public speaking matters.  It should reach beyond spin and PR and show the orator’s true convictions, beliefs and aspirations.  How often nowadays do we hear politicians speak on such a stage:  in the House of Commons exchanges are often no more than spats between quarrelling children, and soundbites are absorbed by text, email, newspapers and video broadcasts.  Last night was different, we were given a chance to listen to the three men who are asking us to allow them to govern our country – for better or for worse.

Communication is a powerful tool of etiquette and is perhaps increasingly so nowadays when so much is media-driven.  Pitch of voice, tone, body language and expression form an impression, together with grooming and presentation which far exceeds the importance of content.  As the Americans say, the winner is the one who can ‘walk the talk’.

Michael Foot and Margaret Thatcher, William Hague and Winston Churchill – all are memorable for their speech content and delivery in individual ways.  Nowadays so much is about the way we look and sound – and it is easy to forget that what matters is what people say and the way in which they say it.

First impressions count.  Last night each were immaculately turned out at first glance.  Gordon’s collar was too tight, but the silk ties were well knotted, and appropriately coloured.  Always use blocks of colour and avoid vivid patterns when appearing in front of the camera.  Their hair was well tamed and cut and each looked suave – though David Cameron by far the most poised and sophisticated of the three.

David stood at the podium as a headmaster might at a public school; authoritative, wise, and approachable, though slightly nervous at the start.  Nick slightly more relaxed in stature, still smart and correct, but giving an aura of chattiness – this was the one who would appear to be our pal, moderating the other two not just in stance but by appearing to stand up for the ordinary man.  Trouble is, the Lib-Dems are always well meaning, and have some idealistic and admirable policies, but they are usually rather ‘pie in the sky’ and the costs are not easy to add up to ensure they can deliver…..

"Gordon's collar was too tight"

Gordon looked, as usual, entirely ill at ease as Alistair Stewart began, but relaxed visibly after the start gun sounded and the first heated exchange came to the fore! How this proves the value of tutoring and media coaching in an attempt to improve image.  If only it wasn’t for that false smile that he remembers to flash like a lightbulb (at least it is better than ‘Teflon Tony’s’ wide eyed grin), we would almost believe him, though after 13 years of trying to get it right and failing dismally, the pretence is wearing rather thin.  We are politically biased, but there is no disguising the fact that Gordon trotted out the same old lines, trying to convince us that he knows how to run the family budget.  However, his rhetoric was well articulated and it was persuasive – he appears to have a genuine conviction that he is right and he made it sound as though by trusting him to spend more he will get us out of this black hole – how many though are happy to have that wool pulled over their eyes?

An important tool in communication is appearing to be pleased to be there.  Our three looked sincerely happy to be on parade although, as mentioned earlier, Gordon took a little longer to warm to the theme.  It was pleasing to see that each demonstrated the basic good manners of courtesy towards their opponent – which reinforces that first impression and continues to set the tone of debate.

Nick’s delivery was ‘chatty’ all the way through.  His voice is pleasant, middle England, and easy to listen to.  He uses body language and gestures well to get his point across that he is there for us and believes in a fairer system for all.

Much will be made of David Cameron’s public school background by those who care to forget that many socialist politicians send their children to private schools to secure a better education for them.  What private school does give though is supreme confidence.  You show me a room full of people and the ones who are the most at ease with small talk and networking will be those who have attended one of our private institutions.  Pitch, tone, the ability to seek out conversational topics which appeal to those of us who are less forthcoming – that is the mark of a public school child, and David Cameron has that in spades.  His body language is good and he uses hand gestures sparingly.  Eye contact is exceptionally important and he has a confidence when looking directly at the camera. In short, Cameron looks polished and he sounds polished.  Thankfully, he has the policies now to back that up.

It was disappointing that not one member of the audience invited to ask a question had the courtesy to stand up when they spoke.  Perhaps that is indicative of the low regard in which our politicians are held, and it is very worrying if that is the case.  Only one called the three ‘Gentlemen’ and he was the only interrogator who thanked them too.  I wonder how many viewing noticed that?  Good manners begin with please, thank you and treating others as you would wish to be treated.  Let us hope next week’s audience remember that the impression they each create will be formed for the nation too!

An important final note.  Alistair Stewart, that veteran broadcaster, looked immaculate and chaired the debate in a firm and forthright fashion throughout.  There were moments when he interrupted perhaps a little too readily, but clearly things could have got out of hand if he had not been ready to intervene sooner rather than later, and all in all, he did a very good job.  Chairing a meeting or debate requires authority and the ability to listen and disseminate information rapidly.  Well done Alistair.

Our politician’s must reach out to every voter and ‘connect’ if they are to hope to command a majority in the forthcoming polls.  They must appear sincere as well as polished, and the gloss will soon wear thin if the content is not there.  Who appeared most genuine last night?

The audience at home and in the studio will have returned to their homes and perhaps analysed a little more closely what was actually said.  At that point, the content of course matters, but the memory of delivery will prevail.  That all important ‘first’ impression.

"Round one to Nick Clegg"

"Round one to Nick Clegg"

Conclusion:  Round One to Nick Clegg for overall ease of delivery and the impression that he wants to be our friend, but David Cameron wins for content – and who will you trust to have the overall ability to form the next Government?  My money is firmly on Cameron – he looks as though he will stand up to the naughty children, and the warring parents any day.

In a nutshell:  old fashioned oratory demonstrates good manners if the delivery is right.  Communication etiquette matters.

The English Manner offers training in communication etiquette, with the option of voice and media training. To find out more, please contact us.

Alexandra Messervy
Founder, The English Manner

A Sample Thank-You Letter

Many people struggle when it comes to putting pen to paper with what exactly to say in a thank-you letter. Below is an example letter to give those with writer’s block some inspiration. It is by no means the most perfect thank-you letter, but it is certainly a more than acceptable one. As I said last week, these letters do not have to be make literary history – remember that a rather basic letter is better than no letter at all.

Dear Samantha,

We are, once again, in awe of your culinary skills. Thank you so much for a delicious dinner last night. It was such a wonderful evening and David and I had so much fun.

It was such a surprise to see your brother after so long – the last time we saw him must have been at your wedding; we enjoyed hearing what he had been up to over the past few years. He sounds like he has been very busy.

Once again, our most sincere thanks. You must also give me the recipe for that trifle – David has not stopped going on about how much he enjoyed it.

We look forward to seeing you all next week at Simon’s.

With every best wish,

Julie.

As I also said last week, once a formula is learned that writing such letters will become much easier.

One final word on thank-you letters – always sent by first-class post, or delivered by hand.

William Hanson
Tutor, The English Manner

That’s Gratitude for You: Thank-you letters DO still matter

My colleague John Robertson had to be forcibly restrained one day when we were teaching at a business school in Italy where the majority of the students said that they agreed with everything we said but could not see any point in writing a thank you letter. And this is the trouble, many people, sadly, think that such letters are a waste of time. But they are missing the point.

If anything, I would argue that a well-penned, hand-written thank you letter carries more gravitas than in previous generations, only because they are becoming a rare breed. We live in an age of instant communication, but this is no excuse for letting standards of civility slip, although it is, for many, an easy excuse.

Thank you letters should be written (by hand) after you have received either hospitality or a present. If someone has thrown a party and you were one of the guests, the reasoning of ‘I’ll be the only guest who does write a thank you letter so I won’t bother’ is ludicrous to say the least. If others aren’t writing letters, it does not mean to say we have to copy them – try not to be a sheep.

When I was younger, my parents used to say to me that if I didn’t write someone a thank you letter for a present then I would find that the giver would stop giving me presents. Being young, naive and slightly materialistic, this would not do at all and so I duly wrote my letters on my parents’ writing paper.

These thank you letters do not have to be lengthy essays with bibliographies and academic references: one page on A5 writing paper (letterhead optional) will suffice. If someone has put in the effort of cooking for you or taken the time to buy you a present then it is common sense (and courtesy) to show them that you are grateful.

Many people say to me that they find it a chore writing such letters and they struggle with finding the right words, but once a winning formula is learned then they become second-nature. Again, these letters do not need to be the next Harry Potter, or match the mellifluous prose of Oscar Wilde. And to avoid confusion, I shall post a mock-up thank you letter on this blog next week.

One final word, please just don’t thank someone over Facebook or a similar site; a telephone call is the best option for the lazy individual.

William Hanson
Tutor, The English Manner

The Oxford and Cambridge Boat Race

This annual event is seen as a prelude to the British Season and this year takes place on 3rd April; it has taken place every year with exception of the two world wars. The course is four-and-a-quarter miles long and is held on the Thames river from Putney Bridge to Mortlake. The sporting event, which lasts around 20 minutes, is a race between two crews: one from Oxford University, referred to as ‘the Dark Blues'; the other from Cambridge University (‘the Light Blues’)..

The event never fails to draw large crowds, often with alumni from both Universities turning up to support their alma mater. Savvy spectators station themselves at rowing clubs along the course, or, the slightly more keen will get on a launch and follow the race for the duration.

Unlike other sporting events in the Season, spectator dress is casual (sometimes very casual) although past and present students of either Oxford of Cambridge University tend to turn up wearing varsity colours.

It is one of those very English occasions where everyone watches, either on the television from their armchair, or cheering on the river banks, whether or not they follow rowing for the rest of the year!  The weather is usually cold and windy, and by the time the boats have lined up the 20 minute race lasts for some considerable time.  Because of that, dress, which is casual (sometimes very casual) needs to take into account warmth and practicality as well as correct form.  We suggest a good warm scarf, blazer and possibly waterproofs, sturdy shoes, and warm layers.  Avoid taking umbrellas so as not to impair the view of your fellow spectators, and do remember to cheer without bawling, and to be a good sport.

Sporting etiquette is at its peak at this event, with the losing team leading the applause and congratulations for the winning crew.

William Hanson
Tutor, The English Manner

Ya Boo Sucks: Please Don’t Boo JEdward!

John and Edward perform on 'The X Factor'

I do not like The X Factor, but during the series that has just passed I found reason to watch it (or at least some of it). Their names: John and Edward (‘JEdward’). The young Irish brothers were not the best of singers, but they were performers. They danced their socks off (sometimes not in time to the music or each other) but it was clear to see that they were having great fun doing what they clearly enjoyed. However, every time they came on stage during the live shows the studio audience would boo and hiss as if Hitler had risen from the dead just to come on to perform ‘I Did It My Way’.

John and Edward coped magnificently during their ritual humiliation each week. They did not once acknowledge the blood-hungry mob of an audience; they just smiled, soldiered on and did what they liked doing best. Even now (they are currently promoting their debut single ‘Under Pressure’) some people have the audacity to boo them. But why do people feel the need to boo?

There are always going to be people in life that we do not like, wish to associate with, or want to support. Yet this does not give us carte blanche right to berate them. If we do not wish to encourage or acknowledge someone, then we just do not clap (or clap less). There is no need to boo, hiss and shout insults. In doing this it does not make the booer more superior than the person they are booing. If anything, it makes the booed look vastly better and more righteous.

It must be something about the mentality of a crowd. Humans obviously feel that when en masse we can get away with doing things we would never dream of if we were on our own. Look at the proposed video the UK’s Football Association (FA) were going to launch this week to combat homophobia at matches. The video uses the shock tactics of showing a businessman walking around his office shouting pejorative words at his homosexual colleagues. The caption reads ‘this sort of behaviour is not acceptable here…’ The action then switches to the same man in a crowd at the football match shouting similar words to players on the opposition and the referee. The caption changes to: ‘so why should it be acceptable here?’

Presumably this mentality can be linked to the JEdward/X Factor situation. If we saw the pop stars walking down the street, we would not boo them as we passed, but if there are 400 other faces around us, we obviously feel like we won’t get caught. Not only is this the height of cowardice, but also is it rude. If we do not agree with someone’s view, believes, lifestyle or performance, then we should just be quiet and learn to deal with it. No one is asking anyone to convert to being a JEdward fan (for the record, I am) or switch their opinion on a certain matter, but just to respect other people’s rights. There’s something just not cricket about it all, if you ask me.

William Hanson
Tutor, The English Manner


Our Twitter Feed

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new entries by email.

Join 63 other followers


Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 63 other followers